I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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