tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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