Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
