You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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