You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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