is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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