I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
