Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's rum buckets o'clock
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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