Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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