Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
