You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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