so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
