Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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