You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
