so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
