Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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