He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
