He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
