nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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