I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
