Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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