Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
