Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
