Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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