Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
