im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
