2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
