he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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