I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
