tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
