Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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