Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
