did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
