The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're too hungover to prance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
