A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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