It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
