i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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