I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
