Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
