Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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