just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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