you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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