That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
