I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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