if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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