Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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