margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Actions speak louder than pants.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
