those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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