So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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