i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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