mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize