Are we in a gay sports bar?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
