a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
