I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
