My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
