True but thats because hes a fetus.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
