worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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