sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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