lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
