I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
