there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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