He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
