i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
