Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
