I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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