how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
