Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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