we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
