He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
