my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
