I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I deserve this hangover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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