TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
