we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
